Thursday, July 3, 2003

Parang I cannot concentrate on my work. *hmm* I still have loads of things to do and I was planning to leave the office early to have some pictures developed. My boyfriend will be picking me up and I have to finish early. It will be a little embarassing if I have him waiting for me. You know what is so funny?! I still feel a little shy with him. I do not know why. But one thing I know is: I will stand true and will make everything in my power to let this relationship work. Before I met Dex, I was waiting for someone else. Someone whom I thought I will be sharing my life with in the future. Someone, who is a friend whom i thought will love me for what I am. I waited for him because I thought then that I will not be serious in any relationship again unless it is him. In fact, I was really looking forward to a possible, happy future with this guy. But I waited and waited...for nothing. It only caused me pain and tears and even frustration. He does not care for me as I have cared for him. They say that love endures. I know that. But what if you tried so hard to endure and in the end, nothing will ever come out of it? Won't that be so frustrating? As I have always said, better to "kill" that overwhelming emotion rather than letting it grow and have it devour you in whole. I was always told by someone to wait, even if it took me eons. I always answer back that patience was never a virtue of mine. Besides, how will one ever know if that person feels the same way about you? That he carries the burning flame as you do? That he cares for you the way you do? No guarantees.

Before I said yes to my current flame, I really thought about it a lot. For the first time, I gave time in thinking about my heart and the things that go with it. I do not want to have a new boyfriend and make him "panakip-butas." That will be so unfair for him. Honestly, I really weigh everything in my mind. As I have said before, having a relationship with someone was the least of my priorities and if ever someone comes along, I will make sure that I will do everything in my power to make it last.

No comments:

Post a Comment

It is always refreshing to know what is in your mind. Thanks!