Tuesday, January 6, 2004

Unfounded Fears, Heartaches and Break-ups

One has to always put the end in mind. But that is not the only significant part of the journey. Keep in mind that when we start any journey, it is always the destination we look at. But once we reach the destination, it's the journey that we will always remember. We should not be too blinded with the destination that we forget to enjoy the trip going there.

Just like in a relationship, you just don't think that you should enter into a relationship because you will already marry the person. You enter into a relationship to get to know the person better and discern if he/she indeed could be that person walking down the aisle with you. You have to spend some time with him/her and find out if the two of you are compatible and could hit it off. You won't know this by not giving the guy/girl a chance. You would not know all these things just by the looks of the guy/girl or your first impression of him/her. Once you are in that relationship, that's the best chance to build on what the two of you already have.

Don't break up with someone just because you don't see yourself with the other person for the rest of your life. Don't jeopardize a possibly wonderful relationship. How would you know that the other person is the right one if you don't give her/him a chance to prove her worth? How would you know that she/he could be the one if you prematurely cut off the relationship because at the moment you don't see yourself sharing the future with her/him? How would you know this if
you don't give her/him the chance?

And I tell you that it will take you a long time (or possibly never) to find another girl/guy like her/him. Remember that it's not everyday that you meet someone who has the magic to let you fall in love!!!

It might be possible that you would still remain as friends. But being "together" opens a lot of possibilities and opportunities that friends do not get. Even if you remain as friends, you would not be as close as before.

The intensity and the same feeling is no longer there. The relationship will no longer be on the same level. We can't predict the future, we just need to hope and to pray for the best and for what is right and believe that's how it will be.

In the movie "Can't Hardly Wait", there was a line in that movie that goes something like this: "Fate takes you just as far. Destiny is when everything falls right into place and its just up to you to make it happen."

Destiny is a mixture of chance and of choice. Its not a thing to be waited. You must make it happen. Don't you feel that everything has already fallen right into place and its up to you to make it happen? Everything is just so right and how would the both of you know if this indeed is fate or "the plan" if you would not give it a try. The only way for you to know is to at least give the relationship a chance and find out for yourselves. Don't miss this chance of finding it out because of some unfounded fears.

At least if you give it a try, you can say that you did your best and you found out for yourselves. Not just based on some fear and apprehension that are just part of the countless possibilities that might happen.If it doesn't work, at least, after many years you would know if the both of you really were meant for each other rather than regret and bear the thought of all the things that might have been? At least you would clear all the "what ifs" and the "only ifs" in the future. It will give the both of you peace of mind.

Would you find it too much of a coincidence that the both of you hit it off so wonderfully. It seemed that you've known each other for so long already though you have not known each other for that long. It seemed that you knew each other from another life. And each of you enjoyed every bit of it. You were like soulmates who finally found each other after a very long separation. You had everything going so well. Everyhting happened as if everything just fell right in place. Would you consider it fate? It's up to you to make it happen. What do you think?

You might say "This is something serious and that I might be making a big mistake and that I would just like to play it cool. No room for ambiguity here. Better, safe than sorry!" Better safe than sorry?! To be honest, in this world we live in, there is not a full proof plan that exist. If you always bear this idea in mind, I don't know if you would eventually find someone. You might just be too scared of the bad things that you would end up missing all the good stuff!

The best that you can do is give the relationship a chance. You can never succeed without even trying. You should always hope for the best. And to hope is to risk pain...or satisfaction. To try is to risk failure but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. To risk nothing is to risk even more. You might be taking the risk of losing the one true thing that really matters to you.

Guarantee that you will be second to none. You would not completely know if she/he may already be the one if you don't give it a try. And it will be more painful to lose someone you love and who loves you more just because you are waiting for the right time. How will you ever know if this is already the right thing at the right time? What if the time is now? When will you really know when the right time is? You cannot love a person too soon for you would never know how soon it will be too late. The greatest injustice love can ever offer is you not loving at the very right time only to find out later that it was the right person.

You've got so much going on right now. You have a lot of things in common. Imagine what you can share for tomorrow. You still have a lot of things ahead of you. Learn about each other together. You come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. And besides, nobody is perfect.

When you truly love someone you don't look for faults. You don't look for answers. You don't look for mistakes. Instead you fight for the mistakes, you accept the faults and you overlook excuses. If you truly love someone, you just don't bail out on the other person because there is something wrong with her. You'll know that it's true love you are having if you are still willing to love that person despite of his or her flaws or infirmities.

The reason you met each other may be of destiny. But if destiny will suggest that you'll live without her, then why live not by destiny but of free will?

Listen carefully to what your heart says, enjoy the feeling of being in love and do not worry too much about how things will work out, do not be afraid to love just because you are afraid to get hurt...

The Art of Letting Go

Why do we have to part ways while the love is there? While the friendship is still bonded? Why do we have to cry when someone bid goodbye? Why do beginning has an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose in end?

There are questions left unanswered, words left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone and promises left unfulfilled!

In a relationship or even in friendship one of the hardest things to do is letting go and saying goodbye. It is hard as breaking a crystal, Coz you'll never know when you will be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not they who go feel not the pain of parting, it is they who stay behind that suffers because they are left with memories of love and friendship...that never was meant to be and never was...

At the beginning and at the end of any relationship we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone, unfair as it may seems, but that's the way how it goes... that's the drama, the bitter, the sweet and risk of a relationship. After all nothing is constant but change, everything will come to its end, without even knowing when, without knowing how, without knowing why and we have to forget not because we want to but because we must...!!!

In letting go sorrow comes not as a single spy but in a battalion, it seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eyes and every breath you take always remind you of him/her.

It's like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night...funny how the whole world becomes populated when only one person is missing. Just imagine there are four billion people on earth yet you feel lonely and empty without the other...

I don't know if it is worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills, sparkle with a considerable time and space. Time heals all wounds but it takes a little push on our part. Acceptance plays a vital role. Not all wishes come true. Not all love story ends with "And they live happily ever after".

Sometimes we have to part ways because of circumstances beyond our control, we have to suffer if it would mean happiness for another, and we have to cry to temporarily let go of the pain. Every beginning has an end like every dawn has its dark, its something we can't control, and something we have to live up...

Its over he/she is gone, but life has to go on!! Goodbye doesn't mean forever, there will always be a time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony and love will be expressed in solitude, and promises will be fulfilled somewhere, somehow and someday.....!!!!!


Pay Attention
by Ralph Marston

When you look at the world through the fog of your own worries, your anger, your frustration and impatience, many valuable things will just pass you by, completely unnoticed.

Imagine driving through town while someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you going to notice the new flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your focus will be on that gun.

Are you holding a gun to your own head, by constantly focusing on what's wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed with your own problems that you don't see the opportunities all around you?

Your attention can be effectively focused on only one thing at a time. Sure you have problems and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is the value of agonizing over them?

Pay attention to what's good about your life. Rather than worrying about what you don't have, seek to make the best of all the good things you do have. There are a lot of things right with your life. Give your attention to them and they will grow.

"Four things to learn in life: To think clearly without hurry or confusion; to love all sincerely; to act with the highest motivation; to trust God without hesitation.


Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be - a roommate, a neighbor, a professor, a friend, a lover, or even a complete stranger - but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way.

Sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are sometimes the most important ones.

If someone loves you, give love back to them in whatever way you can, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things.

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It is always refreshing to know what is in your mind. Thanks!