What a crybaby...

Damn it! I wish nobody saw me did it. I just cannot help doing it. Keeping this unwanted emotion inside makes my heart want to explode. For days, I have been trying not to shed tears. I do not want to for the act is a sign of weakness. It makes me more vulnerable to the pain. Some impossible thoughts keep on popping up in my head. After all, they are probable to happen, too.

The thing that happened today started from a foolish thought OR more like a foolish desire [not the desire everybody is thinking, ok]. I need the presence. I am longing for it but sometimes I had to restrain myself. I have my pride which I had half-discarded.

I am having mixed emotions. Emotions that I had kept intact, in place before; which never ruled me - over my decisions, my life.

If I am wishing for one material thing right now, that's it. And God knows what it is.