20 May '03

Breathing Freely...

It is Tuesday and it is a few minutes before the clock hits 5. I find this day so strange and funny. Yesterday, I was fretting and so exhausted thinking of methods to accomplish the task at hand. I came to the point that I was 80% decided to file my resignation letter in a month's time. My decision may probably be rooted to yesterday's unwanted tumble of emotions within me. I cannot seem to get hold of the turbulent craze inside me. I do not attribute it all to the new job that I have but it is more like the problem lies within me.

I know myself better than anyone else. I know that I do things because I am happy and I enjoy it. I don't even put a financial premium to it, I don't even care. What I am after is that: If I am contented and happy enough, everything else will follow.

I don't understand why all of a sudden my almost a month-old work gives me unexplained happiness. I never knew myself to be a loser or someone who easily gives up. I am a fighter but that instant, I made a decision that almost left me wallowing in tears. I would hate to leave the very institution that gave me the chance to learn, explore and fortify my capabilities, not only as a professional but as an individual as well.

I love research. I honestly do. Up to now, I am wondering what made me think like that...

Today, I woke up with a heavy head and puffed eyes. I did not sleep even a slightest wink. I brought home some reading stuff and wrote down the ideas that had randomly clashing in my head. I was able to write down my thoughts...

I came to the office a little late but a little earlier from my usual arrival. (I am always late...) As I have said a while ago, this day is so strange. I was able to accomplish half of the task I was supposed to. I was not even near to thinking that I will be able to accomplish even a single task.

***

I would like to narrate my own version of our summer outing in Island Cove but I think I have to put it off for a while.