Tuesday, April 20, 2004

How LOVE can be so endearing...

Before I met Dex, I had come to the conclusion that LOVE really, is such a great prick in the ass. I knew I had once fallen in love before him and when I thought it was such a great thing, my world started to crumble.

I have been a cynic even before I started threading the paths of accepting courtships from the opposite sex. The experiences of my lady friends and how they dwell on their so-called "ruined" (that's how they call it) lives, had left a very heavy imprint in this knowing mind of mine. And so, I began to adopt such attitude and perception about this mushy emotion.

But then, LIFE has its own way of teaching us and untangling the complicated threads of our viewpoints. Someone came along and has served LIFE its purpose. He untied all the intertwining lines of pain and heartaches. All I can remember from the time my heart was badly broken in pieces till the time he popped up into my life was that I kept an open mind and let my heart run free. Even that act had surprised me, considering the path I had been through.

Anyway, I was reading this email sent by
Bing. It was such a god read that gave me shivers running down my spine. Not of a scare but something that reminds me of experiences and emotions that run parallel to mine a few years back.

One may never forget the past but forgiving will erase the pain that has left a dent in one's heart. Opening up one's mind into this painful reality will make LIFE more bearable no matter how agonizing the throbbing will be. I think that's how LIFE and LOVE teach us.

It's almost 8pm and my stomach is already screaming for food. It's a
Saturday night and eating dinner alone isn't exactly an interesting
idea. I have to admit that being single and loveless sometimes
sucks. This is one of those moments where I wish I had someone I could
just grab to dinner with. Therefore, I have no other choice but to go to
my favorite restaurant and have my fill. After ordering my favorite
Caesar's Salad and Chicken Alexander, I noticed an old couple who just came
in. They are dressed rather formally as if this ordinary Saturday night
calls for such. Though quite thin, the old man still has that stature full
of male aura as if he is 40 years younger. He has his right arm wrapped
naturally around the shoulder of his wife. The old woman may have lost the
glamour and beauty she once had in her younger years, but she has that
smile on her face I could never forget. This is the actual scene as I
first saw them.

As if destined for me to meet this old couple, the restaurant happens to be
full at that time, and being alone, they came directly to my table and
asked if they could share it with me. But of course! This is better than
being alone. I just wish these two are still coherent and I wouldn't have
to put up with stories of the World War 2 and how they undyingly waited for
each other. Gosh! I didn't want to have a scrappy love story s my side dish!

So I sat there silently pretending to be texting. I never had the chance
to be close with my grandma and grandpa so I am not so comfortable with the
oldies. They started talking about some guy named Jake. He is probably
their son who's going to pick them up later. They immediately gave their
orders, making side comments about the food and giggling over some silly
joke they only understand. How very natural for both of them to be still
enjoying each other's company. I sat there envying their exchange.

The old woman talked to me first. Being the woman that she is, she probably
read my mind. She said "I am 68 yeas old and 40years ago, I was also
having dinner alone when I realized that I would be happier living the rest
of my life with somebody I love". And when she said that, she held the
hand of her husband. It was one very unusually striking sentence to have
said to a stranger as if she knew me and why I am lone. After some
introductions on names, work and family, we have serious discussions about
politics and economy. I thought I had some safe topics a hand when
suddenly the old man asked me "How could a smart and beautiful woman like
you be eating alone on a Saturday night?". Bummer. I am asking the same
question myself. Therefore, I get to tell them about my first love gone
astray; how unfaithfulness ruined my three-year relationship and how I have
never fallen in love again.

Then the old couple told me their story:

OLD MAN: Today is our 40th year wedding anniversary. We were married when
we were 28. She wasn't my first love nor I hers. When I fell in love with
her, she was still hook up with her first love then. I taught her to bury
her past. I made her realized that she has to risk loving again or end up
being imprisoned by the wrong notion that true love does not exist. Mr.
Right isn't just going to pop up and save her from her distress. She also
has to open her eyes to find him and be happy again. I knew that I am her
Mr. Right. We led a happy marriage. Even after the first taste of
passionate years ebbed, we still enjoyed each other's company, as we
remained good friends. But like any other marriages, ours is also not a
bed of roses. A highly principled man that I thought I was, I have to
admit that I became unfaithful too and bore a son with another woman. The
mother happens to be my first love.

It broke my heart as I stared into her eyes and her first teardrops fell
when I told her about my son, Jake. I wanted her to scream at me, hit me,
and be angry. She just cried and cried. The following morning, she left
me with our daughter. It was the end of the world for me...

OLD WOMAN: 40 years ago, I made a decision never to fall in love
again. Like you in my teens and early twenties, I once love and lost. We
were a perfect couple then. Until I lost my first love to another
woman. The excruciating pain of lost love and the reality of betrayal has
wounded me deeply. I vowed never to fall in love again. Then my husband
came and offered his undying friendship. Yes! We were very good friends
first before we became lovers. I prayed to God so He will give me a sign
if he is the right man for me. It was a les-than-a-year-romance and we
decided to marry. He taught my heart well... well enough to make me whole
and find real happiness that true love brings. I finally found my Mr.
Right. However, life is not a fairy tale and I have to endure another
episode of broken heart. I thought true love is a force field deflecting
threats. But maybe his love is not enough to keep his sanctified
vow. After 12 years of marriage, I walked out of his life.

Wow! This was only halfway of their story. It was so touching and
heartbreaking... but during the whole time that they were talking, they
kidded with each other, teased each other with their first love and even
pretended to fight. I thought, the story they just shared has made a
lasting impression on each of their lives and made their relationship what
it is now. I can tell that they have been to worst times indeed, as they
came out scarred but beautiful persons. I wanted to go home and cry. I
now wish to grow old with someone I love after all.

We were now eating our desserts. I love the chocolate mouse! Hehehe! So
dying to hear the rest of their story... I asked them how they reconciled-

"We never did." Said the old man.

I was speechless.

The old man continued... "When I heard that my wife got back from the states
after 28 years, I went to see her this morning. An old man saying these
things my sound so "corny" but I told her exactly these: I spent 28 years
of my existence without a life because she is my life. And even when she
left me and never took me back, she still owns my heart until the day that
I will die. Yes, I have been unfaithful because of my lustful
desires. But the loyalty of my true love is solely for her. And though I
can never undo the mistake I have done, I could not force myself to
disengage my love for her. This, I know is true love. Only true love can
survive such death that I feel for 28 years when she was not with me by my
side. Today/tonight, I feel alive because she is with me. I am so happy
when I saw her still wearing our wedding ring as a pendant in her
necklace. This is the first time we have dinner together after she left
me. And you are here to witness it.

The old woman simply said, "I love him too much to be with him again
because if I lost him for the 2nd time, I would not be able to bear
it. For 28 years, I wondered if he married again or not after our
annulment granted. I never asked our daughter. They never talked to me
about him. This morning, I do remember it is our anniversary. But I never
expected to see him or even talked to him. I saw that he is still wearing
our wedding ring. Oh, the old woman's heart jumped! We chatted with each
other the whole day as we used to do in our younger years. We laughed a
lot. We teased each other. We talked about the good times and the odd and
how ugly we became. Age may have taken away our physical attributes but it
cannot steal away the feelings we have for each other.

"Did we regret the past 28 years? We will not be talking about
regrets. Today, we are what we are because of our choices. We cannot
change what happened. But we can always change now and tomorrow..."

And so before we left after 2 hours at Blueberry's, they confidently told
me these: Do call us when you decide to marry and we will be there to
celebrate it with you. Love will find you because your eyes seek for
it. Love will stay with you because your heart willing to give it
away. Choose well and be happy!

What a Saturday night! I came home lighthearted with a new hope.
Love will always find a way...

The story is very nice, right? =)

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It is always refreshing to know what is in your mind. Thanks!