For The First Time

... in my life, I developed this indifferent attitude about mountainclimbing. Thinking about it brings too much sadness in me and honestly, I felt like crying. It seems like my personal life is being hauled over my mountainclimbing concerns. It is affecting my relationship with my close circle of REAL friends, my balanced way of social life and that 'other' aspect of this so-called life of mine.

My perspective of 'that' something was nowhere in practice and damn it (forgive me but I really want to let this out), I am at a loss to recover my old self. Sometimes, I wanna go far away and hide from the world and sometimes, too, I want to party all-out with some 'shallow' friends and acquaintances because I want to forget this hurtful, unbearable feeling of deep sadness.

I really want to cry but I'll be a fool to let this thing take over me. I thought everything was ok but it's not. Maybe whatever we have is meant to drift apart.