Thursday, July 28, 2005

Things In My Mind

I had been busy lately and I really did not much have time to blog. It is not that I want to update my blog because somebody is reading it. I really feel at home, at peace with myself the moment I log on and the blogger dashboard appears. It is therapeutic for me to click that one word to home. Yeah, home it is. This place has been a sanctuary for me even during the trying times, depressing stages and confusing moments of my life; much as it has been a window of the good, happy and exhilarating episodes of my so-called existence. I really love to write but not good enough to be a writer. I really want to be one but there are other things that I have to focus on. I am not saying that they are more important than writing but because I have to prioritize the ones that I have now. Oh, crap. It does sound like the same thing but I just do not agree at all.

Anyway, I had been busy. I got a small-time industry-related project and it was kind of a headache at first. Some people just did not do the job that they promised to deliver and dumped the job right in front of me. Funny thing was he was hired by the other party to coordinate with me on that matter and he even had the face to tell us all that everything was settled. So we thought that the project would sail on smoothly. The project week started and it was only a day or two that I discovered that a lot had to be done. Oh, just imagine how damn irritated I was. If he was just a colleague of my age, he would hear a lot of things from me. The nerve. I did not say anything because first, he is senior than I am and the fact that he is one of the bosses from the other party. I am the type of person who will rather work alone (even complain that much if you dump the job on me) than have tentacles of lazy asses around me. I can also work with anyone so long as you do the job you are told and I will do mine as well.

In my exasperation, I went over the project one by one, from the start - just to make sure that I would not miss a thing. To show him that he did not do his job, I bypassed him and worked on the things that he neglected. Everybody knew he was busy but claiming that he had accomplished the job which in truth he did not was really misleading. Sometimes, I really do not give a damn about credit or something but this time I did. I really made sure that I was the one working and not him. He did this before and this time he needed to see that his style would not work with me. To cut this long story short, everything went well.

Last Tuesday was the final day of implementation and there was a meeting. I really felt bad about everything. I was not able to join the meeting because some inconsiderate people prevented me from doing so. After all the things that I have done for that project and for everything at work, I felt demoralized. It was very unfair and I really felt degraded. I cried softly and the moment that I brushed the tears away, I clicked on the net and searched for new jobs. After more than 5 years, that was how I was treated. Morons. I emailed my selected PEx pals to let go off the bad feeling. I felt lonely.

September, October, November, December...I just do not what month but I am sure to leave this year. Things are not the way they used to be and I know that change is for the better but here, things are heading to the worse basket. The first 3 years were good enough and the last two were so and so. For the last 2 years, I have been trying hard to pass by each day but I cannot imagine another year. Everything is too much and too much is never good.

To be continued...


  1. Yeah I agree with you. Blog is my security blanket. Ang sarap magsulat ng entries especially when you have this feeling inside of that you cant tell anyone.

    Anyway I understand what youre going through. Nakakaasar nga yan. Seems like youre a very efficient worker. Sana makatrabaho kita one time. Goodluck na lang sayo ha. Thanks again for dropping by my blog. :)


  2. joms, thanks. I really appreciate that there is someone out there who knows what it's like; i mean the feeling.

    Would love to work with you as well. =)


It is always refreshing to know what is in your mind. Thanks!