Gunning For The One

Dear Me,

The feeling that my career or my life (in its entirety) is swinging on a cut-thin thread is driving me insane. It's like I'm chasing Time everyday. People my age refer to it as experiencing the so-called 'quarter-life' crisis. Is it?

Maybe it is. But it doesn't matter. Okay, it does.

One day, I'm too focused on my drive to do the things that need to be done; but the next, I'm just being too carefree to think about it and then the following day, I'll be caught up in a whirlpool, trying to hold on and beat the urge to lay back.

I was once an ambitious girl. Ambitious in the sense that I wanna be somebody someday. Not literally taken as in be famous for people in the world to know but in my own sense. It matters to me then to get a graduate degree, have a title, climb the corporate ladder. But where am I now?

I'm not really totally regretting the course of my life right now. I like it the way it is but it is simply lacking. It is in my nature to be competitive with myself, beat my abilities to its own limits and that I am up for the challenge. It has nothing to do with external factors - the people around me or the things/events happening to me; it's more like an internal battle to be the real me.

Oh, blasted. What the h--- am I blabbing about? Sheesh.

Anyway, I really want to have that job in that company. I think I'm gonna be happier there. Setting the pay aside, I want to work in a company that provides/allows personal growth to its employees.

I need to pass the 3rd step to clinch the possibility of acquiring the post. But I have a problem to fix before settling with the 3rd step; and I am literally chasing Time at the moment.

I haven't applied yet with my 'cheesier' prospects but I really want to gun this down.

PS. If anyone's reading this post, please refrain from asking me what company I am referring to. I have personal reasons why. Please understand. =)