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Saturday, April 1, 2006

Crashed, Crushed

Dear Me,

Do you know what it feels like to have your dreams crashing down before you? I know. I feel terrible, helpless. Hopeless. I can't find it in myself to look for some positivity. For once in my life, I know I am giving up. Yes, I am giving up for the dreams that I have continuously striving for, holding on to have the life I wanted to have.

I was so happy the past few days, running around town to make things possible. I even drag people to beg for their assistance. But last night, I felt this growing uneasiness and anxiety that told me that nothing right was gonna happen. I felt and saw the signs.

I decided to give up this morning.

For that single bad thing alone, I have acquired this negative vibe that the other aspects of my life will never turn out right, not even good.

Sometimes, I want to think that my luck has run out; that somebody has already given up on me.

So now, life is back to zero.

8 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear that Ivan. I know how devastating that can feel when things don't go your way. I've already given up all hope that i'll be happy in the future, so dont feel so bad. I've got it worse. :) Keep your head up!

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  2. he he he... alam mo nararanasan ko rin iyan sa kasalukuyan eh... haaay ang hirap talaga ng buhay... pero eto pa rin patuloy na buhay he he he.. kung ano man yan eh.. ayos lang yan pramis...

    apir!!!

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  3. Tomorrow is a new day, and you never know, you may feel you've given up on the dream, but it might be there again, waiting for you, full of hope.

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  4. Sorry you are going through such a rough time. I know it is not easy. My philosophy is that, despite what low moods may lead us to think, things are not 100% bad 100% of the time. Thus, any there any times when things haven't seemed so bad? If so, what was happening during those times? And how motivated are you to take positive steps toward making things better?

    Hope things get better for you soon! :)

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  5. To KEN, BASILISK, CYN & HOLLY:

    I really want to thank you all for such kind words. I knew that my frustration or problem was incomparable to what others might have. It's just that I can't help thinking about the trouble I've gone through just to make sure that everything would work.

    Unfortunately, my best wasn't the best enough. Or maybe, this isn't the right time; or maybe again, it isn't for me at all.

    I still feel bad, though. But somehow, I am trying to make the load a little lighter by accepting the facts and moving on...

    Maybe if I can re-figure out what I have to do, then maybe I'll be ready again to rebuild that dream or whatever I want to do.

    Hahay. Oh life....this week is so exhausting.

    By the way, I just want to thank Papi for being there as always. :)

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  6. everybody goes through days when things just dont seem and feel right. the important thing is learning when to rise up and start hoping again. i wish you all the best!!!!

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  7. NEVER Give up on your dreams!!! No matter how dire things might seem or how hopeless. You can never fail if you try. Think ahead to 10 years from now. You'll b sitting at work wondering what might have happened if you didn't give up. As long as you do at least one thing a day, doesn't matter how big or small it is, towards your dream then you are on the right track. But if you don't try the dream will die inside of you. NEVER let that happen!!!

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  8. joipi & bill,

    oh, thank you for the encouragement. It's just that I really have a hard time accepting disappointments especially when I did my very best. Hmm.

    Anyway, I'm kinda past that feeling now. Nothing will happen if I keep thinking how bad it went. :) Thanks a lot to both of you.

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It is always refreshing to know what is in your mind. Thanks!