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Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Start A New Life

Dear Me,

Looking back, it's funny and strange at the same time how our choices in life change through time. One moment you love it, the next, you don't give a damn at all.

Sometimes, the liking over a new something/someone/some place will simply turn to forever fondness. There are instances, too, that something happened and that will totally alter your life's perspectives, affecting your plans and aspirations.

Going through high school and finishing my university studies, I envisioned myself climbing up, racing the steps of the corporate ladder. Wearing the typical and familiar female corporate suit, I dreamed of having intellectual exchanges and heated debates amongst my colleagues. I could even imagine how exciting it must be to be so very busy at work. The feeling of accomplishing something was gratifying already.

The point is ---> Working for six years and 4 months and doing what I do, I have already reached the peak of exhaustion. Of course, I came to realize that it was different when you were already in that world you thought you belonged. Nothing seemed to be exciting at all.

For the past 2-3 years, I have been trying to escape the reality of my world. There were times (still are) that I was so convinced that I was ready to leave them all behind. I made plans to make the so-called transition materialize. And when everything was set, things would present itself and prevent me from doing what I was supposed to do. I was back to square one...everytime.

To make everything worse, my body clock and the realization that I am not getting any younger pose like a ticking time bomb everyday of my life. Shoot. I simply cannot recall how many times I experience the so-called quarter-life crisis. I think about one aspect of my life and the rest will come tumbling after. For how many times, I got depressed.

Sometimes I wonder where was the old me, the competitive me. I still miss the old me but I also like the new me. If only, I can have the option of picking the best parts of my life and pack it in one package. Wishful thinking.

I usually escape to Baguio to rewind. Why there? It's nearer the metropolis and I love the friendly ambiance it exudes to solitary people (I prefer to go there alone). It gives me time to think and allow me to be lost in my own world without worrying if I will be harmed. There, I can be free.

I know that it has become polluted and a little commercialized. It is a fact and it is inevitable. The difference with other places is that Baguio gives me a homey, satisfying feeling of living the life I want to have. The life I want to have? I want to move and live there. I want to pack my bags and leave the fast-paced life here. I have already accepted that I cannot have the money I have here to there but at least, I am living the life I want to lead. If only I can get a job there...that will be a fresh start.

The only thing that can stop me from pursuing my move there is if my application to this agency here in the metro. I still want to learn and I think I am really born to do research. If only they will give me the chance, I am very much willing to take the entry-level position (though I will fall in the second-level). Opportunities abound and that's hindering me.

I just hope this won't be just another dream that will be stumped upon.

2 comments:

  1. That's a difficult situation to be in; to give up what you've worked so hard for, or to stay with what's making you potentionally unhappy?

    I hope you make the best one! You know better then I do what's the proper path to take. I wish you luck!

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  2. [miss misery] - oh, yes. Up until now, I still do not what to do. I just wish that as you say "make the best one" will come.

    thank you for the time. I really appreciate it. =)

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It is always refreshing to know what is in your mind. Thanks!