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Monday, June 23, 2008

Job Description: Parents

Dear Me,

Now that I'm a mom, I can now relate to this.



POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop


JOB DESCRIPTION:
  • Long term, team players needed, for challenging permanent work in an often chaotic environment.

  • Candidates must possess excellent communication and organizational skills and be willing to work variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

  • Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed.

  • Extensive courier duties also required.


RESPONSIBILITIES:
  • The rest of your life.

  • Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, until someone needs money.

  • Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

  • Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule.

  • Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges, such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.

  • Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

  • Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

  • Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, an embarrassment the next.

  • Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

  • Must assume final, complete accountability for the quality of the end product.

  • Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and janitorial work throughout the facility.


POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
  • None.

  • Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills, so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you.


PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
  • None required unfortunately.
  • On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.


WAGES AND COMPENSATION:
  • Get this! You pay them! Offering frequent raises and bonuses.

  • A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because of the assumption that college will help them become financially independent.

  • When you die, you give them whatever is left.

  • The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.


BENEFITS:
While no health or dental insurance, no pension, no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and no stock options are offered; this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.

... AND A FOOTNOTE?

THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!


When I gave birth to Miguel, a lot of things flashed into mind. I remembered the things my parents had told me about parenting. I know it will be such a difficult path to tread on but I also know the joys of being called a mom and being one. =)

2 comments:




It is always refreshing to know what is in your mind. Thanks!