Lavender & Coffee Stains

Subject: You're A PEx Contest Winner!

Dear PExer,

Congratulations! You have a Ms. Congeniality 2 premium item! You may claim your prize on Saturday, April 30, from 6:00-6:30 at Starbucks, Glorietta 4. Please text 092*-******* with the following information if you will be claiming your prize:

1. Username
2. Real name

You can also send a representative if you are unable to make it during the said date.

Thanks.

Regards,

***

Yeah, I won something. Nothing big but I just didn't expect it at all. *bounce*

Year 2003. It was the year that I got involved and be one with the blogging world, pouring out my sentiments about my crazy life online (January 2003); it was the year that a (my) new blogging experience was born (May 2003); it was the year that I acquired my N3650 (May 2003); it was the year that I commemorated my 3rd year of working for the Japanese Government (June 2003). It was also the year when I 'revived' my mountain climbing activity (June 2003).

Let me borrow some photos from Dex's ATMC site. I joined a climb organized by Dex's group. It was my officemates, Jill & Aimee who encouraged me to join but I was then hesitant because of a lot of things. If I recall it right, one of the reasons was that I wasn't feeling well at all. But I did join and that was where everything started. I did climb and still climbing. Lately, I got issues but I have set a challenge for myself and so it will prevail.

Pico de Loro
Nasugbu, Batangas
June 2003







It was a great year. Two (2) more months to go and it will be two years. Two years of friendships cultivated with the group especially with Chummy, JHerry, Jenard, Richard, JR and of course with Dex. Through the years since then, it was also fun knowing these people: Sir Boy, Kiko, John, Lhen, Roy, Bajoy, Rommel, Carmi, Jay and Dad Arnel. With that, I would like to thank them for the laughter, camaraderie and friendship, whether we are at a mountain's peak or simply throwing punch line jokes at each other over email.

Cheers!

PS. As I said it was a great year. Year 2003 also happened to be the year when I met my someone special!

I was reading this morning the back ish of PDI's Lifestyle Section (dated April 19). "Are you controlling?", it asked. Though I already know the answer, I tried to take the mini-test. A set of 30 statements that will determine one's control levels depending on his/her answers to the corresponding statements. I tried to be as honest as I could and out of 30, I checked out 15 items that applied to me "frequently, most of the time or almost always."

According to the article, "psychiatrists agree that people with a behavior pattern of resistance exhibit a deep need to be in control. The compulsion to be in total control of people and situations is rooted in fear... Controlling persons feel they are threatened, thus the drive to control."

I basically agree with this. My interesting psychology class in the university had taught me to understand myself better. Yes, I am a control freak because I am scared, afraid that things may turn out bad because me; that I believe that I can get things easily done if I don't let others 'mess' it up with me; that I am very willing to take all the blame so long as it is my fault; that I am trying to hold up an impression that I am good and that I can be better or even the best. I understand it all. I really do.

But a lot of things have changed since graduation from the university. A certain level of maturity and shift in attitudes probably caused the change. I did mellow out even just a little bit. I have learned to loosen myself.

And I took the test for fun and acquiring 15 items of the 30 statements, here's what I got for an explanation:

10-20 points: Being in control is a frequent issue with you. You have more fears and hurts than you let on, but you don't work hard to resolve these feelings. Being in control isn't necessarily that important to you, but having your way usually is. You consider yourself organized and efficient, yet it isn't a major event if things get a little out of control. You have found someone whom you can be honest and open with, but there are limits to how much you can safely say or do, even with that person.

True! True! I prefer to do things My Way. Hehehe.

Total Translation: I'm learning what it's like to be human daw. =)

I have this one-page writing in my planner that I am still trying to complete. Guess what? I have it completed today in just one sitting in front of my pc at home. Thanks to 43 Things I was able to list down the things that I have to do, whether they are urgent or not. Some of the things listed in my list maybe a dream for some but the reason I want to have this kind of list is because I want to focus on it and make sure to realize that dream. Target and goals are something that people must learn to deal with. It must always be incorporated in our lives to provide meaning and directions to our very existence. It may sound big but if you think about it, the activities you do, how small they may seem, are actually results of your plans and dreams. Technically, strategies are used to realize them and in doing so, coupled with focus and determination, we are able to attain results to our much-desired goals.

Here are my 43 things. Why don't you make yours?

Sa isang buwan, Happy Mother's Day na. Wala pa rin ako nagagawa for my mom. Gusto ko kasi mapasaya ko siya kahit buong isang araw. Minsan tinatanong ko ang sarili ko kung may lumipas bang araw na natuwa siya sa akin. Hindi naman din kami lagi nag-aaway. Sa katotohanan, kapag may oras kami at nagkikita kami sa loob ng bahay at paminsan-minsanang nagkakasabay sa hapag-kainan, nag-uusap kami ni Mamu. Minsan seryoso, minsan kalokohan; minsan din nagkakataon na ang usapan namin tumutuloy sa hindi pagkakaintindihan at pagtatalo. Ayun yung mga panahon na ninais ko na sana hindi na lang kami nagkasabay sa mesa para kumain.

Hindi ako sobrang malapit kay Mamu kasi bata pa ako, nasa munting isipan ko na na hubugin ang sarili na maging independente. Gusto ko ipakita sa kanya na kaya ko gawin ang mga bagay-bagay na ako lang mag-isa. Kung kaya ko rin lang, bakit pa ako magpapatulong? Sa paglipas ng panahon sa buhay ko, nabago din ang paningin ko sa buhay, pati ang pagtrato at pakikipagrelasyon ko kay Mamu.

Hindi ko na isa-isahin ang mga bagay na iyon dahil alam ko na wala ring mababago. Ako pa rin ito at aminado ako na mahirap baguhin ang sarili. Ginawa ko na yan dati pa pero mas lalo lang akong nalungkot. Dahil sa kalungkutang iyan, inisip ko na ang laki na kaibahan ko sa mga babaeng katulad ko. Minsan ang tingin ng ibang tao na kapag iba ka, astig ka. Hindi. Mali yon. Dahil sa kabila ng kaibahang iyon ay ang mukha at emosyon ng karaniwang taong marunong umiyak. Hindi ako bato. Pinilit ko lang maging bato dahil ayaw kong masaktan. Lahat ng nararamdaman ko, ako lang nakakaalam non, wala ng iba. Lahat ng sakit, nandito lang sa loob ko.

Kaya siguro lumaki akong mataray, bugnutin at malayo ang loob sa tao. Siguro sa mga ilang nakakakilala sa akin, hindi sasang-ayon na hindi ako marunong makipagkapwa-tao. Eto ba namang daldal ko na ito. Pero hindi nila alam, nahihirapan ako makipaglapit ng loob sa tao. Sa ibabaw ng mukhang bungisngis at walang patid na tawa ay isang mukhang hindi alam kung paano talaga makipagkapwa-tao.

Sa kabila ng lahat ng iyon, nandiyan lagi si Mamu kahit ayaw ko pa, kahit pa itinataboy ko siya. Alam ko minsan na ayos lang sa kanya pero batid ko din na nasasaktan siya sa ginagawa ko. Kasi kahit malaki na ako ngayon, gusto niya pa rin ipakita at iparamdam na anak niya ako at nanay ko siya. Kahit pa alam niyang kaya ko, gusto niya pa rin ipilit na siya na lang ang gumawa ng mga bagay-bagay para sa akin. Sa palagay ko gusto lang ipadama ni Mamu na mahal niya ako. Dahil nga naging bato ako, kadalasan hindi ko na naiisip na sinasaktan ko ang kalooban ng aking mahal na ina na ang tanging kagustuhan ay iparamdam sa anak ang kaligayan na minsanang pagsilbihan ang anak. Kasi nga bato ako.

Nung nakaraang taon, sinulat ko ito para sa kanya. Tumutulo ang luha ko habang isinusulat iyon. Dahil sa kasabay ng pagsulat noon ay mga tagni-tagning alalahanin ng mga kabutihan na ginawa at patuloy pang ginagawa ni Mamu. Mahirap isulat ang lahat-lahat ng mga ginawa niya para sa akin, sa aming magkakapatid. At kapag sumasagi sa isipan ko ang mga pagsuway ko sa mga utos at kagustuhan niya, nararamdaman ko ang tindi ng sakit na dulot ko sa kanyang kalooban.

Nung nakaraang linggo, may nabasa akong katulad ng isinulat ko. Nagawa ko i-share sa mga taong kilala ko lang sa pangalan ang isinulat ko para kay Mamu.

Sabi niya, "Great tribute to your mom, Ivan. She must have burst to tears when she read it. Thank you for sharing it."

Sabi ko naman, wala akong lakas ng loob para ipabasa ito sa kanya.

Sabi niya, "Ivan, if my daughter will give me a tribute like that it will just erase all the feelings of hurt and doubt as a good mother. It will confirm that I've done a good job afterall. So gather that courage and give it to her on Mother's Day. Enclose 3 pcs of hankies too and have a box of tissue for yourself."

Kung ipabasa ko man ito kay Mamu, malamang ako ang hahagulgol sa iyak.

Dumating man ang Araw para sa mga Ina sa isang buwan, alam kong hindi ko pa rin ito mapapabasa sa kanya.

Sana sa pagdating ng araw na iyon, kahit isang araw lang, mabigyan ko ng kasiyahan ang mahal kong Ina. Kahit isang araw lang.

Leche! Tumutulo na sipon ko ah. Hmp.

It was nice of my batchmate to put up a yahoogroup for our high school batch. It was a very good initiative to gather everyone from the 3 sections. Good while it last but I am just wondering if the yahoogroup will achieve the purpose of its existence. There is only one section who engages themselves in the group. It is only me who belong to another section and it feel like I do not belong there. I mentioned about this group to my close high school tropa but I assumed that they were not that interested. I got the feeling that the virtual barrier among the 3 sections still exists after all these years. Well, I really do not care because for me, I am really excited about seeing and catching up with them for the past 10 years. Yeah, a decade it is.

I was not that popular in high school. I was a loner, a girl with the lowest self-esteem there was. I was ugly, very ugly. I looked okay now. Hehehe! Yeah, I can hear Levi chanting with how I looked with that old, big eyeglasses of mine. I was not that pleasant to look at. In fact, I see myself then as a sophisticated Aeta wearing eyeglasses! Hahaha!

High school memories were brought to the fore when Mike called me up at home. Well, he had been trying to reach me at home countless times but I was always somewhere unreachable. Finally, he caught up with me one fine Saturday afternoon, just as I was about to leave the house to play badminton. Together with some of his closest high school pals, they were planning to print our very much delayed yearbook (the school or whoever it is had pocketed our money for the yearbook). Anyway, they wanted me in and that we were supposed to have a meeting to discuss this but conflicting schedules had dampened the plans. I contacted my tropa to let them know about this and some gossips that Mike had told me. Hehehe. Well, those gossips weren't that bad - just sharing how were the others, who married who and so and so forth.

To cut the long story short, I was never able to meet with Mike and the rest of the gang. I am not even sure if they themselves pursued the idea.

The very short-invitation- notice-reunion did push through. Actually, I got the invitation from Liezl, who belonged to another section and whom I was not close to during high school. If I recall it right, she was a transferee for I never remember her being a loyalty school awardee. Anyway, I saw the photos that they took during the mini-reunion they had somewhere in Timog Avenue. I did not regret not coming because for sure, I would feel left-out without any familiar, comforting faces of any classmate of mine in the section where I belonged. I guessed they had a good time judging from their smiles in their faces. James posted that holding a reunion, how small it may seem would be a regular event. He reasoned out that it might be a good way to jumpstart the plans for the WHS batch 1995.

One thing that got me boring a hole in my head was why was it there were 2 existing yahoogroups, created by the 2 people who were rolling the ball for the batch. Weird, isn't it? I did not exactly question that because; it was their thing, their liking. But one thing I can say is that, one day, the main purpose why everything started will clash, striking a conflicting balance between the 2 groups.

Right now, everyone is quiet again and I am just wondering if we are going anywhere. Despite my 'harrowing' experiences in high school, I am still looking forward to meeting and seeing the faces that once made a mark in my young, innocent school life.

Despite my boyish ways, I really know I am a girl at heart because I can really relate to these girl thingies.

When a GIRL is quiet,
Millions of things are running in her mind.

When a GIRL is not arguing,
She is thinking deeply.

When a GIRL looks at you with eyes full of questions,
She is wondering how long you will be around.

When a GIRL answers "I'm fine" after a few seconds,
She is not at all fine.

When a GIRL stares at you,
She is wondering why you are lying.

When a GIRL lays on your chest,
She is wishing for you to be hers forever.

When a GIRL calls you everyday,
She is seeking for your attention.

When a GIRL wants to see you everyday,
She wants to be pampered.

When a GIRL sms's you everyday,
She wants you to reply at least once.

When a GIRL says that she can't live without you,
She has made up her mind that you are her future.

When a GIRL says "i miss you",
No one in this world can miss you more than that.

When a GIRL says I love you,
She means it.

Why all of these? Because I have felt and experiencing all of these; so I can attest how true they are. Can you relate to that?

I am really touched by this song.

by Restless Heart

The road I have traveled on
Is paved with good intentions
It's littered with broken dreams
That never quite came true
When all of my hopes were dying
Her love kept me trying
And she does her best to hide the pain that she's been through

When she cries at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries to hide all the fear she feels inside
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries

She's always been there for me
Whenever I've fallen
When nobody else believed
She'd be there by my side
I don't know how she takes it
Just once I'd like to make it
Then there'll be tears of joy
That fill her loving eyes

When she cries at night
And she doesn't think that I can hear her
She tries to hide all the fear she feels inside
So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries

So I pray this time
I can be the man that she deserves
'Cause I die a little each time
When she cries

...in an email in the yahoogroup. Somebody posted this:

HELP FIGHT GRAFT AND CORRUPTION!

TO ALL PUBLIC AND PRIVATE OFFICIALS AND EMPLOYEES
TO ALL OUR KABABAYANS AT HOME AND ALL OVER THE WORLD

WE NEED YOUR HELP- PLEASE HELP US
Kailangan namin ang inyong tulong!

THE SUCCESS OF OUR MOVEMENT WILL ALL DEPEND
Ang tagumpay ng ating Kilusan ay nakasalalay

ON THE HELP AND ASSISSTANCE THAT YOU WILL GIVE US
na lahat sa inyong mga tugon at tulong sa amin

PARTICIPATE, JOIN, COPY, DISPLAY AND DISTRIBUTE OUR POSTER
Maki-isa, sumapi, parisan, isabit at ikalat ang ating "poster"

TO ALL YOUR EMPLOYEES, RELATIVES AND FRIENDS
Sa lahat ng inyong mga empleado, kawani, kamag-anak at kaibigan

TO CREATE "AWARENESS" TO BRING "CHANGE" IN OUR COUNTRY
Na makakatawag ng pansin upang magdala ng pagbabago sa ating bansa!

OUR COUNTRY AND OUR PEOPLE NEED US NOW!
Ang ating bansa at mga kababayan ay kailangan ang ating tulong ngayon

LET US SHOW OUR PATRIOTISM FOR LOVE OF COUNTRY AND OUR PEOPLE
Ipakita natin ang pagmamahal sa bayan at sa mga kababayan!


and he replied like this: ----> It seems that Filipinos who are computer literate can not understand English!!!

The tone he used irritated me so I emailed back: ----> Sir, What was that supposed to mean? Kindly read the English text first, the entirety of it. Maybe you read it by line and everybody knows that some of the lines don't make sense. Translated po in Tagalog yan. Also, aren't you a Filipino? You speak like you aren't one. That's very bad.... =)

To which he replied: ----> If you want to write in English, just in English and if in tagalog, just in tagalog. Direct to the point, that's what I mean!!!

Normally, I would negatively react to such tone but this was what I sent him back: ----> Yeah, I thought about that, too after sending the message. You have a point. Maybe I am just trying to reason out po, but let's consider that maybe this came from something, a flier or whatever. My reason sounds lousy but I just could not help but react to the way you pointed that out. You can say it nicely if you want.

You know how it sounds? Like you degrade Filipino in general for writing something like that. And I take it you are living abroad. Living abroad does not mean you are superior to Filipinos living in the Philippines. It isn't nice to treat your kababayan like that and some foreigners might be subscribed to this yahoogroup as well.

I do not have any intention of inflaming anyone here but sometimes let us consider what other people may feel with our posts. My apologies if I did offend anyone.

And he snapped with: ----> Filipinos are superior in English language all over the world, so why translate it. As I say, Filipino's who are computer literate prefers no translation at all, you just confusing the readers like me. It's just a matter of GMRC in communicating.

Hope that I am clear to my intention.

Well, I withdrew my contention since he did not mean it so bad, after all. So I just rested my case with this: ----> Okay, I got it. Intention understood. My apologies again.

He is always like that in the group; always prepared to be noticed. He is still blabbering there and this is the 2nd time I replied to his unnecessary use of condescending tones. The a**hole thinks he is some kind of demigod. Puhleease.

And what's with the screaming? My gawd. You don't have to type all those exclamation points, you know. If I am that bad, I should have pointed out that your use of Filipino's should have been Filipinos because you are using it as a noun, not as a possessive pronoun. But I am giving you the benefit of the doubt. Maybe in your haste and you were overwhelmed with your emotions, you mistyped them. Sometimes, I do commit the same mistake, too.

What really made me react was the use of such patronizing tone. I am not generally accusing those Filipinos living overseas but I solemnly guarantee that some of our fellowmen are guilty of such attitude. Come on. It is such a craP (not crab)mentality to acquire while living amongst the fairer race, don't you think?

As I said, I have no intention of offending anyone at all. I am just trying to emphasize a point here. Cheers!

Company Outing

This coming Saturday, April 16, we will be having our company's summer outing. It will be held at the Club Punta Fuego located in Nasugbu, Batangas. To know more about this place, click the Fuego link.

Our itinerary will be like this:

TIME ACTIVITY REMARKS/DETAILS
FROM TO

0545 0600 Waiting Time & Assembly Philamlife Tower, Valero Side
0600 Departure for Nasugbu
0600 0630 Arrive Petron Station, San Pedro
0630 0640 Purchase Breakfast Meals
0640 0915 Arrive Club Punta Fuego
0915 0920 Shuttle Ride to Lower Beach
0920 0935 Deposit bags in lockers; Welcome Drinks
0935 0945 Radio Taiso
0945 1000 Obstacle course
1000 1030 A.M. Snack
1030 1100 Kayak Race
1100 1130 Sack Race
1130 1150 Tug of War
1150 1155 Shuttle Ride to Main Club
1200 1300 Lunch Buffet, Main Club
1300 1600 Free time
1600 1630 P.M. Snack
1630 1645 Assembly Lower Beach
1645 1650 Shuttle Ride to parking lot
1700 Depart for Makati
1700 1930 Arrive Makati - Philamlife Tower, Valero Side

Looks boring? Maybe. But I am sure that it will be very exhausting because we will only be staying there for a day. I was not actually planning to join but officemate Jill told me to go, for the last time before I leave the company. I agreed and thought that since we have a new ED, I am expected to show courtesy by participating in the company's activities.

Sometimes I wonder if working in a much bigger company is more fun than belonging to a handful of directors and colleagues. It is a summer outing and it is supposed to be fun, right? We will see.

----------------------------

5S Day

This coming Friday, April 15 has been designated as 5S Day here at the office. The whole day will entirely be dedicated to implementing the said 5S Program. In Japanese settings, 5S means 5 easy steps in shaping up the workplace. I am actually aware what 5S means ever since I assumed a post at the technology transfer department. Basically, I learned this concept among other things as the basic of all management processes and procedures. I am not sure what transpired among the management to decide about conducting this thing on Friday. But I once mentioned the observation of one of the Japanese technical experts I was with when he visited our office. He asked me how come that our company promotes and espouses the concept and program of 5S and yet our company does not practice what it preaches? In turn, I asked that to our AD and less than a day, the management had reached a consensus to have it carried out the whole day on Friday. Hopefully, the tech transfer dept do not have any pre-scheduled executive meetings or else I will not be able to dress down. Hmm.

The 5S Program as translated to the English lingua:

Step 1 - SEIRI (clearing)
Step 2 - SEITON (organizing)
Step 3 - SEISO (cleaning)
Step 4 - SEIKETSU (standardizing)
Step 5 - SHITSUKE (training and discipline)

In case any of you are interested to have a PowerPoint copy of this, please do send me an email or your fax number and I will send it as soon as I am available.

----------------------------

Office Equipment and Furniture

A while ago, our AD emailed us that the management would be disposing some equipment and furniture in the office. I was not particularly interested because there was really nothing interesting.

Everybody was gathered in the stock room except for the directors and me. After a few minutes, curiosity got the better of me so I checked them out as well. Well, there was one item that was standing nice at one corner. It was the tv cabinet though it could be used for another purpose I have in mind. I was told there would be a bidding and the minimum bid was placed at 300 pesos since the item was a little bit, no make that very old. For that item, there were only 2 bidders – a new colleague and me. I placed mine at 400 pesos while she bidded for 501 pesos. May butal pang piso ha. Hehehe. Anyway, guess who won? Me! Why? It was because of one rule in the bidding process. Priority was given to seniors in the office and I am much senior to my co-bidder. When I thought I lost because my co-bidder had the higher bid, our AS remarked that I would still be going home with my coveted item. I then told her that that was sort of unfair for the new employees in the office since they were also allowed to join and thinking about it, technically they did not stand a chance to win anything no matter how high their bidding price would be. She explained something but still it still did not sound right to my ears.

Anyway, I am also having doubts of taking it home because I have no idea how to transport it back home. I have no car and it is quite big for a cab. Meantime, I have to ask Bert to measure the length and width of that tv cabinet.

This one is funny. If only all husbands who drink are like this, women will be happier and contented.

Marty wakes up at home with a huge hangover. He forces himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the room and sees that it is in a perfect order, spotless, clean.
So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you." So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper.

His son is also at the table, eating. Marty asks, "Son, what happened last night?" His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious. Broke some furniture , puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."

Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?" His son replies, "Oh that!

Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off to change and clean you, you said, "Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"

Per site review, you earn $0.15. It may not be that much compared to the $0.35 that Dex had told me but you will earn this using your free time, whether at work, at home, in school or in a cafe.

All you have to do is make a review of a certain website assigned for the day. Once you have earned a total of $20 or more, payment will be sent to you.

Click ---> this site.